"Do You Really Want To Be A Girl?"

DISCLAIMER: "Please don't judge this blog by this post. It's not my favorite and the rest will be much more fun, I promise."

Hi and welcome.
I guess you should know that this isn't one of those blogs that posts dirty pics and videos. I have nothing against that sort of thing. I actually like a few of them and I have even found myself obsessed with the purely sexual side of my femininity. If you get right down to it, my desire to be a girl quickly became a "sex thing" which caused me to eventually become beyond confused.
Being a young boy who wishes he could be a girl isn't considered normal and I knew it would outcast me if I were to ever tell anyone. But, as I grew older and gained more knowledge about other gender variant people, the confusion got worse.
There were so many different labels for me to consider: Crossdresser, Transvestite, Transsexual, etc...
How in God's name was I supposed to know who I was and who I wanted to be?

I'm sure you've read the articles that are meant to tell you who you are. So have I. Articles written by other "Transgender" individuals who claim that they're personal choices and feelings are a checklist for anyone who thinks themselves to be a true transsexual. Some say that if you sexualize your feminine feelings in any way, you can not be transsexual. This is neither true nor helpful. We all deal with our gender issues in different ways.
As a pre-teen or "Tween", as they are now called, I found myself reading every bit of information I could find online. I read every word of every article or diary on the internet. I connected with each one and for the first time I related to other human beings on a deep and emotional level. So why was it that I still felt out of place? I was scolded for masturbating when I dressed in girl's clothes. I was told I was just a crossdresser, even though it was so much more than putting on panties and getting horny. And I was told all this by people I thought understood me.
 I disliked my male body. I hated several "Manly" hobbies and activities, yet I adored plenty of the "Girly" things. But as you know, hobbies and interests don't define a person's gender. So all I had in my corner to defend myself as a "Real" transsexual, was something I couldn't share or show. I had only my feelings and my unwavering urge to be a girl.

Of course it's not smart to transition based solely on a feeling. I understood that from the first moment I learned about reasignment surgeries and gender transtion. But, to claim that I was nothing more than a crossdresser because I'm human and my only outlet for my gender issues was to sexualize them is irresponsible on their part. I had no one to talk to, no place to go and be myself. God forbid I find some relief.

Only you can answer the question of your inner gender and how you will deal with that. Remember that no matter what gender you are that sex and masturbation are natural. There is no reason why feeling feminine and beautiful is something you must not sexualize. That being said, make sure you don't base your choices on sexuality alone. Find time to let your inner gender out while doing non-sexual things. If you feel sexual just by acting feminine in normal average activities, give it time. It may pass and you may find yourself happily and naturally being feminine without becoming aroused.

I know this is a rather boring post and not nearly as informative as one might hope. I simply needed to vent and hopefully you won't hold it against me.  :)